Circumstances change. People change. Expectations change. Dreams change. Life changes. Loss happens. Peace happens. Routines change. Learn some. Struggle some. Life goes on.
Since my last blog update from October 2010 everything above and more has happened in my life. So much change has taken place that it doesn’t matter how many blogs I write, I will never be able to express all that I’ve been through. So I’ll just hit the important life altering one that stems into everything else. Two months after that last blog in 2010 my dad passed away from cancer. That is when things started changing. I experienced distress and joy at the same time, how that happens only God knows because of His awesome comfort that surpasses all things. Death changed me. Not in a bad way at all, my dad was a hero in my life. I had looked up to him ever since I was a little girl. He taught me so many things; most of them without even saying anything just by an action. Praise the Lord for redeeming his soul and granting him access to the Father. For about a year it seems like I just zoned out from the world. Priorities changed. Decisions had to be made. Stay in Nashville at Trek-X or go home and help my mom?
The Lord used these passages in Scripture: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple,” Luke 14:26-27. And “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me,” Matthew 10:37.
Lesson?
Following Christ is not easy, but He’s worth it. There will be trials and suffering but also peace and comfort. There will be persecution, but there will be joy. Christ precedes everything. And by everything I mean everything; He comes before family, friends, possessions, and even life itself. Who knew these verses would take a literal meaning in my life. The answer was clear to me. Following Christ is more important. It was so hard leaving home and coming back to Nashville, leaving my mom to deal with the loss of her husband, leaving her to mourn, leaving her alone. I had to trust that the Lord would take care of her and in faith I came back to Nashville. Has it gotten easier? Even after a year I still feel the pangs of missing loved ones. But Christ has gotten bigger. I’ve experienced a deeper love for Him, which would never have happened if it hadn’t been for loss. Then change followed death. Not only the death of my dad, but death to myself. Giving myself to Christ. Plans. Dreams. Hopes. The Future. Everything. Knowing that He will take care of it all. So here I am. A year and six months down the road. Still figuring it out. Still going strong (only because of Him). Still learning. I just pray that the Lord encouraged you through reading this, and my hope is that you would pray for me on this journey through life and pursuit of obedience.
To Him be the glory forever and ever.
Amen.
